Anxious soccer mom

I don’t think I am alone when I say watching my children play in sporting events is an anxiety provoking endeavor. Sure, we say it is all about wanting them to learn how to play a sport, be a good team member, and just have fun, but the truth is those things are only a small part of what is really going on. At age 4 my daughter hit the soccer field. I came to the first game and actually expected her to be good! Not only that – I wanted her to be the “best” one on the team. I even imagined her being “discovered” and me being told how much natural talent she has. Knowing that might be a stretch, I at the least I wanted her to be better than the other girls. Now, nine years later when I watch one of them not being as aggressive or as “good” as another player I feel angry and want to criticize them and yell at them to do better.

As a parenting coach I know that what is going on is a classic case of living through my children. I want them to fulfill all my unmet hopes and dreams. I’m the one who is hoping to “be discovered.” It is actually a natural part of parenting to want for my kids what we didn’t have or achieve, but when I don’t recognize this other part in myself my kids are going to end up feeling they have to perform for me. So anytime I feel the feelings I described above I have to go back to myself and ask how well I am doing at going for it fully in my life.